Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
