Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
