you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
