she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The air was thick with penises
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
