just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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