she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize