sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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