i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
