sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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