hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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