there's paper in my vomit.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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