Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
