his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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