I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
