Sacagawea was the original milf.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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