So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
