He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Randomize
