I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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