watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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