Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
