woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
