Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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