Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
