I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
is it fun? or sober?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
