It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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