Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
