Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
