You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
