Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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