So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
