Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize