Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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