Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Jerry, you need to find god
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
