So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
