Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
