if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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