Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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