I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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