Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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