Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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