He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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