He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Randomize
