His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
