i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
