i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
