no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
