Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
