Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize