Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
