Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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