That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
