We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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