i don't like sucking hair
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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