I think i peed on brittanys purse
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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