Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
