It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
