So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize