i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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