All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
