I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
