last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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