i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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