she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
