You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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