She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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