i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
