i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
