the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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