hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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