i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
