Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
