I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
