I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
