he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just pee around me
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
