he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
