i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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