the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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