sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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