You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
