the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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