I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
