My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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