My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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