Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
