Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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