It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
